Divorce is a crisis of loss.
A divorce decree defines divorce as “dissolution of marriage due to Irreconcilable differences.” That phrase may imply infidelity, abuse, addiction, and abandonment, and anyone who has gone through divorce knows it is difficult, painful, and traumatic.
Divorce is a crisis of loss.
“In five years, you’ll be a different person,” said the legal adviser as I looked at the papers that my husband (then) had already signed the day before. Perhaps honed by years in the divorce business, her voice sounded reassuring. Hopeful, better than “good luck”. I stifled a sarcastic laugh, thinking that five years would be a long time of unknowns.
I didn’t know it yet, but those “unknown” years are now memories: the Covid pandemic, death of a the middle son, roadtrips, weddings of the other two sons, forming new friendships, gaining a financial foothold, home improvement, landscaping the back yard, traveling, writing retreat abroad, getting published, staying healthy, dining out, bought a new car, trips, took a cruise, hiked, threw a party, watched movies, old dailiness, new things. Etcetera…etcetera.
During the first six months of post-divorce mourning, I asked God for two things: gratitude and serenity. These two things were the sturdy oars that brought calm and resilience as I navigated through the unknown waters of singleness in my senior years. Then one day, five years later, I realized that by the grace of God, my journey has brought me to a good place: I am thriving.
I called up my ex’s legal adviser and told her that what she said to me came true.
“In five years, you’ll be a different person.”
I reviewed the last five years and I while grieving over the loss I realized that
I traveled, gained income, had a savings that I never had when I was still married. My sons got married. I am still able to pay my mortgage, and through it all I was doing what I am doing.
I